Side by Side

Let me tell you a story…

Long ago, while I was still living in my terraced apartment, I was desperate for love. So desperate in fact, as a non-believer back then, I prayed to God to give me a loveable woman. Give me something to get started on in my love life. I just had my hands crossed on my bed and I was on my knees. Just asking God, teary eyed: “Please, I just want to have someone to love. Someone to love me. Please, if you are there, help me.” For my surprise, nothing happened after that.

WOW, REALLY?

But wait… I had a dream! Can’t remember though, if it happened before or after my desperate cry for love to God. In that dream, I saw this beautiful young woman. She had glasses, natural redhead, cute smile. Man, I was in love with her in that dream. We joked around, cuddled and just looked each other in the eyes. I felt so much love towards this woman! And then the freaking alarm clock went off and I was pissed and confused the whole day.

Until years later, I moved to another city in north. At random at my “friend’s” birthday party, I saw this one young woman and she seemed pretty cool. For some reason she stood out from other women. We had party games and we seemed to be thinking likewise. Then there was some break for a while. Then we suddenly met in the same church. She was singing in front of everybody with her friend. “Man she has a nice voice”, I thought to myself. We didn’t remember each other, but still we exchanged words and once again, carried on with our lives. We started to see ourselves more often in parties, church, etc. Same thing happened every time. Standing out from the others and we thought likewise.

At summer, I was invited by two friends to go to wicket. I went there and of course she was there! There were only four of us and she was one of them. Everything started to click one by one to place, just like a puzzle. Now here we are, some time later, married and in love. I remembered the dream after we got married and she was the one, I saw in it. Thank you, God.

We both have had our own difficulties in the past. She has also struggled with depression, anxiety, suicidality, even to a point of being hospitalised after a burn out kind of situation. She had too much spiritual, social and emotional pressure from others. She tried to be someone else, so she could be accepted by others. She seems to have life story almost like mine. Same situations, played differently.

We are really made for each other. We needed and need each other. We are now a team. We both have found ourselves together, fought demons together, cried, felt joy, felt anger, played games, watched movies, healed, made music, made art, made stories and so… much… more… and everything, together.

Now we have a beautiful baby boy living with us. He has taught us many things. Things that can’t be internalized otherwise than with a baby. I’ve always wanted a family, but now that’s reality. It makes my poor mind highly confused about everything. We have grown so much together. We have seen each other’s weaknesses and strengths and helped us to find our strayed soul.

I thank, God for blessing me with this absolutely stunning sight and being.

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” 

Song of Solomon 6:3.

My love will always shine to her. Side by side fighting, together to the end.