Loser

My childhood elementary school was rather small, but really nice place to be for all of the school years. Small, but efficient, I’d say. Great teachers, great food and best of all, great friends. It all started when I got into secondary school… all the bullying, calling me by names, spreading lies about me to each other, pointing, pushing, wrestling, etc.

I have always been a small boy. At the elementary school I was one of the shortest and it lasted on the secondary school. I was a really easy target to everyone. Even girls picked on me. How low can one boy go? If even girls are stomping me under their feet, then I’m the lowest low. The whole thing was just a shock of life so to say. Nobody seemed to care about the bullying. Freaking schools man… as if moving to a much larger school wasn’t hard enough. So I hid all the pain. Kept it all behind a Mr. NiceGuy -face.

Thankfully, my class seemed to be more of that “outcast” side, so we all got along a lot better than most of the other classes. Our class was like a second family to everyone. We sticked together, as one. Bullies still striked us down, but at least we were in that together. We still have those class reunions and we talk as if we never departed. Even though we had each other, I still couldn’t help but feel a complete loser. How many times I could’ve defended somebody? How many times I could’ve just striken back? I was too afraid to do anything. Short, weak and scared. They owned me. I was their little bitch. I have longed to know a reason for everything. Why did they do it? Why we were the prey? Why I didn’t do anything? Maybe they were scared too, so they put on their “bad boy” -faces.

I have seen a little bit of what my old bullies are today. Some of them took a path that… well… was expected for them (drugs, alcohol, etc) and some of them, for some reason, look like I could bully them. It felt wrong to see them like that. What happened to those bad boys? Now they look like I could touch them on the cheek and they would just start crying.

Nevertheless, if you have had the same experiences in school as I, or still have, let me tell you one thing: I’m so sorry… you didn’t deserve it AT ALL. In the end bullies are the weak ones. They are so weak, because they mocked you for your looks or who you were, especially if for good traits. They were jealous of you. But hey, imagine this one: If I, that little, scared, bullied school boy can later get married, have kids, be a musician, have a meaningful life, be strong, be more courageous, rebel against everyone and everything, whose reasons aren’t clear enough, you can undoubtedly be one too. It sucks to deal with these things, but it sucks more on them later in life. You’re awesome and brave, because you are you and they are just bunch of asses, who try to be something else, what they’ll never be. They are losers and never anything else.