After Thoughts

My past was a mess. Mess full of loneliness, suffering, hatred and grief. I have seen the truth now. The truth I never would’ve liked to see. I had to face my insecurities, rage, mistakes and weaknesses. Facing them was and is necessary to my inner growth. Growth as a human being, as a man and as a Christian.

I still have doubts about this album. Will it reach to people, who’s forgotten in a worlds pressure and corruption? Will gospel reach to the broken people? Was making this album just an output of my own head or was God really talking about this to me? Was God really helping me out in this one? It’s hard to believe what is true and what is false. What are the thoughts made out of my own rage?

The more and more I think about this and talk about this to someone, this album really must be from God himself. I have tried to make album two times in the past. I had couple songs in them, but… that’s it. I didn’t get further than that. I thought I just ran out of imagination or inspiration. Until… this one happened…

25 songs? 25 specific things to make songs of? I couldn’t stop, everything just happened! I loved making this! Finally something that has a real meaning! My voice has changed drastically, while making this! My voice, pretty much unlocked new skills in a short period of time, automatically!

This is my gospel to everyone. I want people to see, that God really can heal a broken soul. God can turn your past ways completely upside down, automatically! You don’t even recognize a thing! Like I said, about this album, everything just happened. I also want to show, that us Christians aren’t all boring. We make it look like it. Media and internet more so… Christianity and faith itself isn’t boring. Some live a life based on religious rules and sometimes try to force those rules on others. That can look like (and may also be) boring life. God, on the other hand, does transforming work in you, which leads to a vibrant life AND you grow to do better choices, automatically and know them by heart! Yes, YES! Rain all your hatred and tears towards my thoughts, brothers and sisters, if you want to! 

We all are humans and we have made severe mistakes too, but God works around and with those. Some mistakes are made on purpose, some unintentionally. I thought, while making this album: “This isn’t right! I follow Jesus now! He doesn’t want me to do this! I just let my wrath speak in this! This is horrifying industrial metal, satanic music! This isn’t gospel!” But is speaking the truth really considered as a act of hate or revenge? Well, I mean, nowadays it is for some reason, but that’s beside the point. Glad I was wrong. I am His child, I really follow Jesus and that’s why He has put me into this situation. I do love the music I make and listen. Why would he torture me by saying no to make or listen to it then? I have, once again, automatically put specific kind of music aside, that really doesn’t feel… well… good, to put it lightly.

God wants me to be happy and do the things He has made me for. I’m on a mission now and I will make and let it happen. I will get a lot of hateful shouting and calling me a heretic from my fellow Christians. This is what they are sadly… they don’t know any better.

I have never felt more alive, free and loved in my entire life. Jesus is indeed the way, truth and life. Thank you for reading my stories and listening to my music. Thank you, truly. Lets see what future brings us.